What makes a worst video game of all time? Poor storylines, insane difficulty, controlling issues to the point of broken screens… all these contribute towards video games that you threw out your window in disgust of wasting 3 dollars in renting them. On this list we prudently considered what games made us break the most things, and made us ask ourselves “how the fuck was this game ever made?” There were some obvious immediate choices like “Shaq Fu” and “ET”, and there were also some more personal choices like “Fatal Fury” and “Elevator Action”. Old-Wizard brings you these top 20 worst games of all time in hopes that you never have to experience the inexorably abominable game play that we’ve had to experience in playing a game like “Three Stooges”, where what you thought would be 2 days of rented videogame euphoria turned out to be hours of personal disgust, wondering how it was possible you could have rented a game so bad. However, if you are one of those people who like to play bad video games because they make you feel better about yourself and ebullient about your own small accomplishments in life, then these are the games to play. As an elementary programmer, you probably have a decent chance at creating a game better than “Muscle”, and this doesn’t feel too bad.
20. Yo! Noid (NES)
Yo! Noid is about as much fun as eating left over pizza that’s been thrown away in the garbage a week earlier. When an advertising slogan gets put to a video game, you can be sure it’s total ass. This game is no exception. “Yo Noid” may be the best example of idiots in marketing who think that anything can be translated to a video game. This game is grotesquely difficult, much like the side-scrolling style of difficulty found in “Ghost’s ‘n Goblins”. What’s more annoying though is having absolutely no energy and no suit to protect you from just one enemy killing you. Even the smallest enemy within a proximate vicinity can dominate the Noid into oblivion, making you wonder why the hell the Noid took it upon himself to save New York City. His weapon is a yo-yo, not a magic yo-yo like we find in Star Tropics, but a standard yo-yo, making you wonder even more why the Noid thinks he can save New York City with no stamina and a fucking toy yo-yo. If you happen to embody video game luck beyond all understandable limits and get to the end of a level, you are put into a pizza eating contest while the city is on fire making the Noid a hero with no stamina, a bad weapon, and no dedication to the task at hand. What’s worse, if you lose the pizza eating contest, you have to start the insuperable level over again. At that point, you throw the cartridge out the window and remain validated in your consciousness of how bad an idea it always was to take a banal advertising signifier and assume it will be successful as a video game. I don’t think I ever ate at Dominos after playing this egregious excuse for a video game.
19. Skate or Die (NES)
Skate or die? I would rather die then have to play skate or die ever again in this life time. The title screen shows some paltry loser who you want to beat on for looking so clownish. The game irritates you even more. You skate around different areas with the same ramps, same couple of maneuvers, and same impossible controller issues. Then when you finish an area you are bombarded with the same loser from the title screen, this time taking up even more space with his massive poaching noggin (who in their right mind would ever have a mo-hawk?) If your going to make a game called Skate or Die, how can it be one of the most pedestrian games ever made? Is it supposed to feel cutting edge because I’m looking at some goon with an ugly green mo-hawk? At least show a little bit of blood or anger when failing at these boring courses to merit the name skate or die. The same circle of courses proved to be quickly tedious, with little extra to spark any interest in playing further than five minutes, except if you like looking at 8-bit graphics of infirm skaters that may bring images of a “cool dude” flashing the rock hand signal at you when you were doing something cool. I suspect there are some people who like this trash. These people I should never meet, God willing.
18. Where’s Waldo (NES)
Who would have ever thought this would have been a good idea? Okay, maybe if you were going to turn this NES installment into a superhero fighting game where Waldo had superpowers like something coming out of his glasses, but this installment turns out to be the same exact concept as the books, but only worse. At least in the books, you could spot Waldo, the graphics and objects for the NES “Where’s Waldo” are so poor that everything equally looks like shit making it impossible to have any chance at finding him. Why not just stick with the books though in the
